Just like most decisions in the journey to become parents, choosing surrogacy was not an easy decision for us. It was the furthest thing from my mind during the testing, as I just wanted an answer as to what was wrong so we could fix it. I assumed it would be my husband. But he wasn’t the problem. Neither was I. There was nothing to fix. Unexplained infertility. I was really shocked because if there is something I am good at, it is taking orders from a doctor on how to get better. I’ve been a patient all of my life - i know how to follow rules. We left feeling really empty and confused as to what to do next. I just knew something had to change.
I researched and researched and probably pinned a gazillion reasons for unexplained infertility and ways that you can still become pregnant. My conclusion was that I was stressed. In the last year at work I had successfully implemented an IT project that had failed multiple times before at one of our hospitals. I was so focused on a successful deployment that all I could do was think of ways to overcome hurdles this project had in the past and to finally move this project forward. We were just about to launch this IT application in a newly acquired hospital when I made the decision to quit. I quit at something I was really good at and absolutely loved because I wanted a family more.
Before I started my new career in the Financial industry, we took a vacation to Mexico. I had no job and we went on a vacation. While it seemed a bit irresponsible, it felt really good to have nothing to think about other than to decide what restaurant we would dine at for dinner.
Fast forward - I had been in my new position for a month and suddenly I was 6 weeks pregnant. Pregnant! I had quit a job that I loved, started a new career and was trying to figure out my role within the company, and I was pregnant. I remember having the most difficult time staying awake and was terrified they would fire me if they caught me dozing off.
Fast Forward - No heartbeat, I had uncontrollable swelling and passed out at work in a meeting with 100+ people. Something was more seriously wrong than just this miscarriage. My body suddenly couldn’t maintain fluid and I was ALWAYS swollen. I had to wear compression socks to work. My transplant team encouraged us to find an alternative way to have children as it probably wouldn’t be safe with my current condition to successfully carry a child to term.
That’s when we announced to everyone that we weren’t going to have kids. It just wasn’t for us, we were going to be okay and would spend our earnings traveling the world. Maybe move to Hawaii. The miscarriage had brought me to my deepest darkest days and I couldn’t imagine what the pain would feel like to continue the journey to have a family. So, we did what we said we would do and we booked a trip to Kauai.
I don’t know what happened while we were there, but it is the most magical place that we have ever been to. My husband and I each have our own favorite memories from that trip, from the Eucalyptus tree tunnel to swimming with sea turtles in their natural environment. It was amazing to observe the sea turtles every day from our lanai effortlessly swim through the waves. Gentle Giants. Something about watching them in their own environment and swimming and bumping into one that I swear changed my mind about having a family. I had to be able to share this experience with my kids. They deserved to see this and the other magic wonders of the world.
And from that moment on, we decided to move forward with surrogacy. I knew that the pain that we were feeling after our loss and a decline in my health would only be temporary. I knew that moving forward to pursue surrogacy to grow our family would be worth it. And for that reason alone, my heart will ever be in Kauai, Hawaii.
And today, when I look at our son, hear his infectious laugh or I am untangling his strong grasp from my hair, I am so happy we decided to push forward through our pain.